My Reason to Love
By Rashmi Rajan

Amidst the rundown Victorian houses and closed down stores in Plymouth, California, was a small but lively coffee shop called ‘Coffee Beans,’ owned by a rather simple yet beautiful looking girl named Faye Palmer. Unable to afford assistance she herself catered to all the orders in her busy little coffee shop.

Every morning as the clock struck nine, Faye’s heart would skip a beat as the doors of the coffee house would open and a curiously handsome looking young man would come to her counter and order an extra complicated coffee—half caf, double tall, non-fat, no foam extra hot Latte with whipped cream and cinnamon dusting on top—in a deep husky voice and a breath-taking smile to accompany it.

By now she had memorized his movements. She knew how many steps he would take to reach her counter. She knew that he would first flip through the menu and then unable to decide would go for his regular order. His complicated order of coffee took time to be made but Faye didn’t mind it as it gave her more time to look at him. Her heart would compel her to drown in his eyes as he waited for his coffee but she resisted it fearing that such an uncontrolled behaviour on her part may stop him from coming there. 

She found him to be very forgetful though, as he would order the same coffee every day and yet would never be able to remember the cost. “3 dollars 50 cents—How hard is it to remember?” she would think. But it suited her well as that gave her the chance to listen to his voice one more time. She would fight a battle against her desire to look at him and would ultimately give in when he would ask “How much for the coffee?”

As he left the coffee shop he would stop to greet the florist sitting right outside the main door. Faye would grasp all her chances to see him for the last time and then delve into gloom as he waved goodbye to the old flower lady. Days passed by and Faye’s life started revolving around those ten minutes between the doors being flung open and shut every morning. There were moments when she would want to say to him, “Nice shirt! Blue suits you well.” And even more did she want to say “I live to see you walk into that door and my heart breaks every time you walk out.” But never did she gather the courage to confess her ever-increasing love for him.

It was one such Thursday morning. Faye, as usual, waited for the doors to open. But it was already nine and he wasn’t there yet. She spent that entire day gazing outside the door and on account of her inattentiveness she had to bear some loss as she dropped a tray full of cups on the floor. For the next three days the clock ticked nine every morning yet there was no sign of him. “It was over,” she said to herself. She gave up all her hopes as she knew no way in which she could find him. She didn’t even know his name. Her swollen eyes told the tale of her teary nights. Dejected in love she was trying to concentrate on her work when she heard a familiar voice say, “Can I have the menu please?”

Her heart pranced with joy and she turned to see the much awaited face. He was there, right in front of her eyes. Unable to believe she stood there as if frozen in time. She made his coffee and handed it to him like a lifeless puppet drawn by strings. And then she saw him leave. That’s when the thought occurred to her mind, “What if he never comes back?” The very thought sent a chill down her spine. She threw her apron aside and rushed out of the door after him.

“Stop!” she shouted.

He turned back. They both stood silently face to face. Faye’s silence was accompanied by a volley of unspoken statements creating a turmoil inside her. Finally she blurted out, “I love you.”
“When I didn’t see you for three days I thought I would never see you again and that thought scares me. I know all this sounds crazy as I don’t even know your name.” As she spoke, tears welled up in her eyes.

“William. William Gray,” said he with a genuine concern in his eyes.

She didn’t know what to say or do. She wanted him to say something more. But he just kept staring at her. When he didn’t say anything she said, “William! Can we talk this over coffee tomorrow morning at nine? At Paradise Cafe?”

“That would be great,” he said, still smiling.

After he was gone she realized that she didn’t even tell him her name and he didn’t care to ask either. Faye was confused. “That would be great—not the four words I had expected,” she thought on her way back to the coffee shop. “But how can I expect him to say ‘I love you too’ when I know that he probably hadn’t even noticed me till I walked up to him today?” In many such ways did she try to pacify herself but she couldn’t stop feeling embarrassed about having expressed her one-sided feelings for him and for putting him in such an awkward position.

She kept tossing and turning all night wondering what end would seal her act of embarrassment. She woke up in the morning, and got dressed. It had been the day she had always dreamt about since she had fallen for her coffee shop customer but it felt nothing like the dream. All her happiness of finally sipping coffee with her dream man instead of serving him one, seemed shrouded with confusion. She then unwillingly pushed herself out of her house and prodded along the way to Paradise Cafe thinking of some way to avoid meeting him.

When Faye reached the venue she saw William waiting there with a bunch of Lilies. “Are they for me?” “Lillies are my favourite...How did he know?” she wondered as she walked towards him. “H-H-Hello!” she said, her voice breaking with nervousness.

William extended the flowers to her in reply to her greetings. He pulled out a chair for her and gently made her sit. He sat in front of her looking at her in a way that made her feel like the most beautiful woman present there. Faye tried not to get her hopes too high. But there was too much silence and she didn’t know what else to do except think. So she said, “You know Lilies are my favourite flowers.”
“I know,” he said.

She was taken aback. “He knew? How? He must have guessed it. Or did he actually know?” several questions started to muddle her already confused mind. While she was questioning the possibilities, he spoke, breathing space into her confusions. “I see you buy lilies from the old flower lady outside your cafe every evening.”

She stared at him in amazement. All this while she thought that she was the only one to notice him, but the fact that he noticed her too was something that she couldn’t even imagine. While she was at putting two and two together, he slid a small packet tied up with a ribbon to her.

“It’s for you,” he said. “Go ahead. Open it.”

She untied the ribbon with trembling fingers. There was a statuette of a fairy inside it. It was very pretty. Along with it was a card which read, “You justify your name—Faye, the fairy.”

“You know my name? And I always thought...”

“I heard your colleague call you by your name once in the coffee shop,” he interrupted her.
She was so happy that tears started falling from her eyes. She didn’t want him to think she was an emotional wreck so she quickly wiped her tears and tried to hide them with her attempt to be funny.

“You heard my name once and remembered it? It’s funny that you can’t remember how much your regular cup of coffee costs.”
She laughed till he spoke, “3 dollars 50 cents.”
“You remembered? All this while?”
“Yes, but you see that was my only chance to hear you speak. How could I miss that lovely voice of yours?”

She blushed at these surprising turn of events. He kept looking at her. She felt love, concern and warmth in his eyes. But yet something scared her to let herself drown in those loving eyes. She smiled and kept wiping her tears pretending to be strong enough to handle any amount of emotional outbursts. To break the silence she said, “Alright let’s order your favourite coffee.”
She was about to signal to the waiter when he said, “I don’t drink coffee.”

Amused at this she spoke as she turned her face towards him, “Of course you do. You know how much time it takes me every day to make your special Latte?—half caf, double tall, non-fat, no...” words started fading out as she looked into his eyes and realized that he was not joking.
“I don’t drink coffee. I don’t like coffee. In fact I never have. I simply memorized a combination that would take a little more time to be prepared,” he said with a smile—bashful at the same time naughty—that confused Faye even more.

She couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. Then something struck her like a flash of lightning. Her eyes had tears but her face had a grave shadow. “So you don’t like coffee? Then why did you come to the coffee shop every day? Was it a prank, a bet, a joke? Why ...” Words refused to be spoken and mellowness dawned upon her as he gently took her hand into his and firmly pulling her towards him said, “Why? Because when I saw you for the first time outside that coffee shop I decided to make that complicated cup of coffee my reason to meet you. But the day you handed me my first cup of Latte I fell in love with you and since then I have never been able to fall out of it.”

Emotions were getting stronger inside Faye. It was becoming difficult for her to control them. His grip on her hands became tighter and his voice became more intense as he finally said. “Faye, I love you. And from now on I want this to be my only reason to meet you.”

A stream of tears rolled down Faye’s cheeks, but this time she didn’t stop them. She simply let them flow.